I have wanted to write about my teaching experiences since I started teaching way way back in 1995. I have a lot of journals filled with my experiences, thoughts, and feelings about public education, individual student stories, and my growth as a teacher. Writing was and has been an incredibly helpful tool for me to process my daily teaching experiences. For a long time, I have been uncertain how I would compose these reflections: what shape would they take? Would my writing be good enough--especially where I want to honor my students?
So, I recently was reading author, poet, and essayist Mary Oliver’s collection of essays called Upstream. Well a dear friend and colleague of mine, Maryellen, mentioned a line that was haunting her. “The most regretful people on earth are those who felt the call to creative work, who felt their own creative power restive and uprising, and gave it to neither power nor time” (30). When Maryellen shared that line with me, I knew I needed to start writing.
In my first blog, I shared the conversation between my student and me because it is those conversations that must be shared beyond my classroom walls. As a teacher, I have the willingness, motivation, and time to affect positive change with my students. And one of my goals is to empower my students to use their voices in a variety of ways to affect their own change in their lives and communities.
Recently a student asked me, How have you grown as a teacher over the years? After a bit of reflection the following teacher growth lessons are what came to mind. Yes, feel free to laugh at the absurdity and cry at that fact that these examples are real. These stories are from my first year as a teacher; I was in my early 20s teaching in a regional high school in southern New Hampshire.
I have grown as a teacher because I have learned:
1. To duck quickly when a student throws a jelly doughnut at you. Yes, you read that sentence correctly. You may be thinking at least it wasn't a chair or another form of a weapon (don't worry, those things were thrown at me later in my teaching career.) Anyway, a freshman girl who had some anger management issues threw the doughnut at me when I told her she couldn't eat it in the classroom. Now mind you, it wasn't my classroom. As a rookie teacher, I had to travel around the school to five different classrooms. The classroom I was in where I dodged the doughnut was the classroom of a very bitter and cynical teacher. I personally didn't mind if students had a snack or a drink in class; however, this teacher did and made it very clear to me that she would have me reprimanded if she found food in her classroom. So when I pleaded with my student that it wasn't my policy, but we had to respect the classroom teacher's policy, the student scowled and threw the doughnut at me. As I ducked, it hit the blackboard and as if in slow motion, splattered and dripped down the blackboard. For a split second, I admired my quick reflexes to duck, but then I was horrified at the thought of the bitter teacher seeing the remnants of the doughnut on her blackboard. Oh and yes, I was also upset that my student made a bad choice and therefore, I directed her to the principal's office.
I have grown as a teacher because I have learned:
2. To not get in the middle of a fist fight between two boys who were bigger than I was. I know, duh! Well as much as I will praise my college education, no professor ever told me not to break up a fight. It was still my first year teaching, I was in a different classroom than the jelly doughnut incident. The class of freshmen had just come back from lunch. There were two boys who were supposed to be sophomores, but had flunked freshmen English so they were repeating. It was evident that they were embarrassed. It was evident that they, too, had anger management issues. For whatever reason that day they got mad at each other and within a split second desks and chairs were pushed out of the way and they were punching one another. I raced over to the side of the room where they were fighting and pushed my way into the middle. Within a second I felt the side of my head ache like never before as I was punched by one of the boys who didn't see me entering their DIY boxing ring. I yelled to the other students to go get help. And I vividly, remember one girl yelling, No! (She had wanted to see the fight continue; her behavior to me was just as bad at the boys fighting.) Thankfully, a few students ran and got the teacher next door. The boys were brought down to the office and I was expected to resume class. I don't know if the students could see me shaking or the bruise that was on the side of my face, but I quickly faked my composure and told the students to take out their notebooks. I remember the look of one student's face--he looked at me with kindness and reassurance. And it was that student's face who I took a mental snapshot because I was so grateful that he offered an empathetic (or maybe it was pitiful) look.
I have grown as a teacher because I have learned:
3. To read fast. I was teaching an honors freshman class my first year and A LOT of the required books I had never read before or read once when I was in high school. And I certainly had never taught these classics to a bunch of students only six years younger than I was. I can remember reading The Great Gatsby with the class. A few of my students read ahead of the assigned chapters and had some questions for me. Mind you, I hadn't read ahead! I was barely staying afloat as I was teaching over 100 students a day, doing bathroom duty for one class period, commuting to and from school for 50 minutes each way, planning and grading in the evening, working a part time job, and attempting to have a social life (that was non-existent because I didn't have time). So I used to tell my students what great questions they had and to save them until all the students were caught up-- when it was really because I didn't know the answers until I caught up!
So I would say I have grown a lot from my first year of teaching--I have many more vignettes I will share in future blogs. Reflecting I'm laughing at the insanity of the aforementioned examples of what a typical teaching day could look like. And even though at the time I often cried on my drive home from school due to the exhaustion, the bruise on my face, and the many frustrations--there wasn't any place I'd rather be--honestly. Because although I know my angry students' behavior was inexcusable, there were reasons for their anger. I quickly learned that I couldn't take their behavior personally. Jelly doughnut girl was forced to apologize to me, but the fight club boys apologized on their own. The girl who yelled "No!" to getting help for me apologized as well. And I still have that snapshot of the student who believed in me enough to offer a look of kindness.
Fellow teachers, please feel free to share your own lessons of teacher growth in the comment section or email me. :)
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